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Sanity's Keepsake
Breaking through the walls that keep me from reality. Seeking the truth that forever eludes my grasp. See how it all began.
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Aug. 9th, 2015 @ 02:43 pm Brain Fart
The article "Why ‘Do What You Love’ Is Pernicious Advice" got me thinking.

I have a friend working in Tokyo who wishes he wasn't born Japanese. "Why couldn't I have been born a Filipino instead?"

I wouldn't trade my Filipino upbringing for anything but I would love to live in Tokyo. I spent a mere 6 days in Tokyo; quite insignificant for decent social science studies. I do know for a fact, as opposed to reading in theory, that the Japanese really do think and act as a collective.

"Being a first world country has its downside. The Japanese have forgotten how to enjoy life." This isn't verbatim. I merely wrote how I understood my friend's statement when we discussed this. Though that may be true, I replied, it's not because you made this choice as an individual. Well, bold remarks for an outsider but I explained this further. The real burden the Japanese experience isn't because of their personal decision to give their all and to work hard, it's rooted on the fact that it is what their society expects from them. The real burden is living up to expectations that are not yours. For the Japanese who have studied abroad or who ready Western literature, the gap between cultures is ever so wide.

That got me reflecting on my own identity. Sure, my studies and upbringing have been greatly influenced by Western ideals. We are taught to aim high, to make and reach goals, to find ways to always improve ourselves. Western ideals as self-centric. The goal is to improve or (at the very least) maintain our standards of living. The article above, on the other hand, says that in Japanese society, work is meaningful because it is done for the betterment of society; for others.

That sounds so "Christian", doesn't it? Man and woman for others. Although I do feel at times that my work has no meaning in the greater scheme of things (I'm a mere cog in a profit-centric machine), I can't say work in a Japanese society is better.

"Work and passion are seldom found in one place." I've read this idea so many times before but I still don't understand why work keeps us away from life.

If we play the logic game, "taking away work brings us more life" in Western society while "taking away work removes us from making contributions to society" in Japan? 
Agony and Bliss
radish
Dec. 9th, 2011 @ 12:41 pm The dreaded first quarter
What I feel: contemplativecontemplative
Resounding Symphony: Cape of Storms
I'm approaching a major milestone in life and I feel undeniably lost these past few weeks. Quarter life, you come to greet me too soon.

Funny, 'coz I've read quite a few articles about this ominous "quarter life crisis" and it seems this is not just some awkward phase that people conveniently called the "quarter life".  It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through this phase - quite a few friends my age are experiencing the same thing. Seeing that I'll be stuck in this phase for a while.. until I turn 26 (?) or until I figure out what my personal crisis is about, I might as well take the time to step back for a bit to see where I am. First order of business: where have I gone? Thus, I revive my ancient journal ha! I hope to find something from my past entries. For now, this is where I think I am:

-4 monhs away from the big two-five
-3.5 years has past since my last serious relationship
-6 terms into earning my MBA degree
-worked for almost 4 years in my current company
-progressing career; financially stable (but I enjoy being a parasite single too much to get my own place)
-awesome family life; I get all the independence I need
-awesome friends for literally all occasions: endless night parties, booze and the food, adventure travel, spontaneous road trips of happiness
-able and active body that can keep up with the 5 day workout schedule every week
-pursuing childhood passions: learning how to play the violin

I wonder what's missing.
Agony and Bliss
radish
Apr. 19th, 2010 @ 08:43 pm Is Moving Out of LJ :)
After almost 6 years of blogging here in LJ, I've finally decided to move my insane brain farts to tumblr. I won't be updating LJ anymore but I intend on keeping this account active. Thanks everyone :) Catch me on my tumblr
Agony and Bliss
radish
Apr. 11th, 2010 @ 12:58 am :((
It's been so long since I last cried. Watching a friend's last performance with the Surrelli Pops Orchestra was heartbreaking. I tried to keep it together knowing that it also meant that she'll also be spending her last week as my officemate this week. While listening to the music, I remembered the times we spent partying, window shopping, talking over coffee, chatting during work and doing other mischievous stuff...my heart just broke. Though we'll just be several toll gates away, I know things just won't be the same.

So much has happened these past 2 years and I'm only beginning to realize what I was able to experience and accomplish...

Katrina Macalintal, thanks for teaching me how to live in the moment and for teaching me how to enjoy these precious carefree seconds. Thanks for introducing me to music and the lifetime passion that comes with it. Thanks for helping me realize that there are no pause buttons in life, that every fleeting moment should be lived without regret. Thanks for making me realize that even ordinary people like the two of us can come up and actually live a big dream :)

Forward, always forward.
Agony and Bliss
radish
Mar. 21st, 2010 @ 04:51 pm To the man from the future
I don't understand why people settle for the complicated. I'm just thinking out loud. I'd rather not write anything more about this.

A lot of things have changed in the office. The people I've known for almost 2 years have gone, a few but certainly new faces have started to come in. In less than a month's time, our apprentice batch is going to "graduate" from the company. We would've served the 2 years we promised to the company in exchange for our technical trainings. I know of a few batchmates who are more than eager to leave. These people, I believe are the ones who are more disappointed because the company has not done it's part of actually giving them work that allowed them to practice what they have learned during the months of training. "Graduation day" will certainly leave me a bittersweet feeling but I'd prefer to look ahead from this point on.

My MBA classes will begin this Wednesday....at may assignment na pala prior to the 1st session!!!!!?? I don't even have the required book yet...dehm.
Agony and Bliss
radish
Mar. 6th, 2010 @ 09:39 pm Treading on this sunny path
For prolly the nth time, my brother told me that I should've shifted to psychology when I had the chance. First off, I never complained that I'm in IT. Secondly, I'm still alive so I believe it's never too late for me to do other things.

I'm turning 23 soon and I feel like I'm running out of time but not in an emotive sense though. These days, I'm looking forward to living every single day. Keeping an optimistic attitude is tiring but given this limited time of existence, I'd rather live each day as happily as I could possibly make it.

The Infinite Regress
Somehow, I can't imagine having gone through a heartbreak without Heidegger LOL! This sounds really nerdy I know but I could only imagine how other people handle a heartbreak without being aware about the infinite regress. The infinite regress is the seemingly endless questioning of the self to itself in an attempt to put a broken idea back together in this case, a failed relationship. I've been fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to have studied the marriage of eastern and western philosophy under Sir Anton and I've realized that there are things that can't be explained. My logical existence would've continued asking "why" in hopes of coming up with a concrete answer but the poet in me (which is moved by philosophy) moved to the conclusion that the whole experience is just "is". I thing this is more than just a resignation to the things I can't control. It's a humble acceptance that the whole thing is bigger than me, the other part in question and even the circumstance then.

I'm guess I spend too much time inside my own head but I love it here :)
Agony and Bliss
radish
Feb. 4th, 2010 @ 03:18 pm So this is how it feels like

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck

Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets. ~Arthur Miller

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. ~Author Unknown

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

To live remains an art which everyone must learn, and which no one can teach. ~Havelock Ellis

Life is the game that must be played. ~Edwin Arlington Robinson

Life will always remain a gamble, with prizes sometimes for the imprudent, and blanks so often to the wise. ~Jerome K. Jerome

Life is not a final. It's daily pop quizzes. ~Author Unknown

We mourn the transitory things and fret under the yoke of the immutable ones. ~Paul Eldridge

Following straight lines shortens distances, and also life. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove. ~Ashleigh Brilliant

The tragedy of life is not that man loses, but that he almost wins. ~Heywood Broun

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. ~Robert Frost

You live and learn. At any rate, you live. ~Douglas Adams

If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, where X is work, Y is play, and Z is keep your mouth shut. ~Albert Einstein

The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature. ~Joseph Campbell

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars. ~Henry Van Dyke

To the student I would say, "Life is principally multiple choice, but at the end there's a tough essay question." ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com


Agony and Bliss
radish
Jan. 26th, 2010 @ 07:25 am Is so full of WIN


Need I say more? ;D
Agony and Bliss
radish
Jan. 23rd, 2010 @ 10:35 pm I wish my inside matches my outside
It has become apparent that the way I think is too mature for my age ;\ I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm always with older people and I'm unintentionally able to pick up a few lessons about life from them.

I took the (surprisingly) difficult entrance exam for grad school this morning. The results are gonna be available on Monday and I honestly don't know if I'm gonna be able to start grad school this sem :)) I have a strong feeling that I flunked the numerical reasoning part. I didn't expect that lessons from high school would come up (geometry) and college math as well (accounting). I did stage a "performance" though and I thought it was funny. I went into the exam room clad in my punk-ey boots, iPod earphones on, and a "I hate this world" expression on my face. I went as far as to sit in the front row and slouch rather comfortably in the seat :)) I think I pulled off the look of a delinquent kid fresh out of college/has no work experience and was prolly forced by her parents to apply to grad school :))

...I'll prolly post something once I get the results :(
Agony and Bliss
radish
Jan. 9th, 2010 @ 05:50 pm My brain gives up...
I tried reviewing my undergrad accounting stuff and...I think I fried my brain ;(

I've recently skimmed through an interesting book entitled "Joyfully Single". I'm a little lazy to write about the interesting topic right now so I'll prolly do another post in the future =))

This week was really hectic for me. I tried to balance work, dance practices and my grad school preparations. I was dead tired by the time I got home but it was all worth it. I missed multitasking and the adrenaline rush that came with the thoughts of not being able to finish the stuff I need to get done.

The dance practices were held in "Manila's Little China" LOL. It's not exactly like your typical china town but there are a lot of Chinese-owned businesses, buildings and houses in that area. The whole time I was there, I couldn't help but think about the remaining "loose end" in my life. I wonder how I could forget that when I continue to fool myself into thinking that some of the coincidences in my life are related to that.

I got my exam permit yesterday. My heart was beating so fast the moment I stepped in the grad school campus. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing...Regardless, I'm still definitely going through with the exam.

*sigh*
Agony and Bliss
radish
Dec. 31st, 2009 @ 11:15 pm The year-ender entry for 2009
What I feel: accomplishedaccomplished
Resounding Symphony: Symphony no. 25 - Mozart
I decided to write a structured entry (*cough* list) this year so here it goes:

Things I'm grateful for in 2009:
- having a wonderful and supportive family :)
- realizing that I have real friends (I never thought my list of real friends would be so short but I'm so thankful to have these people in my life)
- for finally having a goal/direction
- being given the opportunity to improve myself at work: for being given the freedom work on and explore complex tasks, for my manager's confidence and persistence in letting me lead a team, for allowing me to tread the path that I want for myself
- for being able to make new friends/acquaintances who have unexpectedly helped me grow more as a person

Things I want to learn/continue to learn from my experiences in 2009:
- to never show that "too much"
- to appreciate what I've had all along instead of seeking out things I thought I lacked
- to never take anything for granted
- to take that first step and risk disappointment rather than to go on living wondering 'what if?'
- moving on is close to impossible if done alone :)
- being stupid in matters of the heart isn't bad in the long run (the heart never forgets and it will continue to learn and evolve)
- little miracles do happen - these just come in the form of coincidences

Things I'm hopeful about for 2010:
- the challenges that life has to offer (balancing work, friends, family and time for myself)
- going back to school XD
- setting and breaking limits
- (hopefully) meeting the one who'll pull everything together (yes, gravity pa rin hanggang ngayon hehe)

In summary, I literally started this year in tears and it took a lot of will and effort to transform a crappy start into an awesome end. Despite all the negative stuff, my 2009 has been my most productive year as a person so far. I'm yet to find my reason/purpose for living but for now I'm merely content to know (and live the) "what's next?" =D

~ the Absolute(God) is the author of my story - I believe my experiences will make sense someday so I'm looking forward to living the next chapter

Happy New Year, everyone :D
Agony and Bliss
radish
Dec. 31st, 2009 @ 10:19 am Self assessment for my performance at work for 2009
Its bad enough that I'm required to fill out this document...its even worse that I need to submit 2 this year ;( Looking back, I don't really now what I've achieved this year. Everything is a blur and I'm just content being able to deliver all that's expected from me (of course, I had a couple of initiatives to make everyone's life easier). Good luck to me ;D
Agony and Bliss
radish
Dec. 21st, 2009 @ 08:26 pm Nostalgia?
I took the time to read some of my LJ friends' old posts and discovered that most of them have stopped updating their journals a few months after graduation. I guess most of us have more important things in mind?

It's funny how simple our problems were back when we were still in school. I remember being bothered by the thought of having nothing to do and having nowhere to go to during my 3 hour breaks. Now I have to set objectives for people to follow and at the same time, plan out my career ugh! too much too soon. My world's spinning.
Agony and Bliss
radish
Dec. 21st, 2009 @ 08:04 pm I Wonder...
What I feel: thoughtfulthoughtful
Once upon a time, my mom had already sent the reservation fee that would ensure me a slot in De Lasalle University for the CS-IT course. Once upon a time, someone from the Ateneo de Manila University called to confirm my application. Once upon a time, the reservation fee for Lasalle happened to arrive late at my Lola's house. It was as if once upon a time wanted me in the Ateneo. It was as if once upon a time wanted me to wonder at this very moment how things could've been if things were different.

As I begin to have more acquaintances and friends from DLSU, I become more and more curious how my life could have turned out if I graduated from that university instead. Mind you, the 4 years I've spent in the Ateneo has done me well but I just can't help but wonder what kind of person I could've been.

Gone is the timid indecisive girl who preferred to wait for things to happen in her life and in came the person who'd create and seize opportunities for herself.

It's been a really tough climb so far but if once upon a time deemed this road fit, I'm more than happy to tread on.
Agony and Bliss
radish
Nov. 26th, 2009 @ 07:14 pm Anticipation
I've literally been pulled off my seat to an unplanned interview with our Project Management group's manager. He said there's an opening in their group and he asked if I was interested. I gave him a straight yes for an answer. He still owes me the detailed job description though.

Honestly, I'm very flattered to be even considered qualified for this role. The requirements are high, IC3(level at work) - this comes with a lot of experience with the company (at least 3 years stay with the company I think). I've been with the company for less than 2 years, I'm a fresh grad with no prior experience with projects and work and I was just promoted to IC2 last summer.

I've tried and I'm hoping for the best :)
Agony and Bliss
radish
Nov. 22nd, 2009 @ 08:58 am The best thing about rain is...
What I feel: thoughtfulthoughtful
it's gonna be sunny again after :)

I'm a choleric/sanguine. Honestly, I'm amazed to know that I have people skills. My brother tells me my type of personality is "situational" so I adapt depending on the situation I happen to be in. I can be the type of person who keeps to herself (this is how I am at home), the serious type you can't mess around with (this is how I am at work), and I can also be the life of the party (this is who I am when I'm with close friends).

I think life is more interesting when you get to taste a bit of everything. This doesn't only apply to my personality. It can also apply to the smaller and seemingly insignificant aspects in life such as my Starbucks beverage LOL! Peppermint Mocha Frap Afogatto Style is love ;3 The bitter espresso shot at the bottom, the sweet mocha flavor in the middle and the cool peppermint lightens up the drink at the top *simply heaven* I don't mix the drink 'til I can taste the peppermint. I guess I enjoy things one at a time. I wonder how enjoying things as a whole feels like.

In other news, I went shopping yesterday. I was supposed to look for Christmas presents for my family and close friends but I ended up spending a lot of cash on myself ;\ I don't fully understand why I feel like I don't have enough clothes in my closet or enough pairs of shoes (yes, I have 2 feet like everyone else). I've been telling myself for some time now that I need to start using makeup to look a little more decent when I go to work. Unfortunately, makeup doesn't make the short list of the stuff I need to buy. Go figure.
Agony and Bliss
radish
Nov. 9th, 2009 @ 10:08 pm Now all I have to do is...
to wait for these shoes!!!!

Couldn't stop thinking about these boots for a month so I decided to finally get 'em



Just couldn't resist another pair of platform heels



Just in case you're wondering...no, I haven't fallen in platform stiletto heels YET. I guess this is the main reason why I'm brave enough to get myself another pair LOL. Can't wait to get these shoes =D
Agony and Bliss
radish
Nov. 7th, 2009 @ 11:01 am Wi-fi
What I feel: tiredtired
FINALLY!

I'm watching TV as I add another not so interesting post in my journal. My brother and I are sharing the same DSL bandwidth but I guess this is better than sharing the same computer.

I think I should definitely lay off partying for a while. Clubbing is slowly becoming a weekly habit and I've been burning quite a sum of cash for these escapades. Drinking has been a regularactivity as well so I kinda pity my liver. The secondhand smoke isn't pleasant and certainly has bad effects not only on my skin but also my lungs.

The party last night was mediocre and Kat is thinking about redeeming herself tonight coz she was unable to unleash her full party animal self. I'm not really looking forward to the party later but who knows I might show up at the last minute.
Agony and Bliss
radish
Oct. 31st, 2009 @ 12:58 pm GAAAAAAAH!!!
TORETE AMPUTIK!!!!
Agony and Bliss
radish
Oct. 30th, 2009 @ 06:55 pm When tomorrow becomes today
My group attended the follow up session for the Communication Assertiveness training this morning. The session targeted primarily the leads and the managers. It was a lot of fun considering I wasn't really prepared for the whole thing. We didn't expect that we'd be having panelists to give us feedback. We were supposed to prepare 1 random question that we were gonna ask another member of the team. We're supposed to be judged based on how we answer the question, the confidence in our voice, our posture, our interaction with the other people in the "exam room" =)) I was told to "own the floor". This is something I'm not used to 'coz I normally just stand still and throw a few hand gestures here and there. I guess it's more effective to communicate an idea when you pace around haha! I got commended for my smile haha! Most people don't know this but smiling is my way of expressing awkwardness / discomfort for being the center of attention hahaha! The panelist says it's an effective means to make people listen. Lastly, another panelist says I express ideas as if it's been written on paper. LOL. I guess I just like being organized ~ thesis statement, justification and additional information, conclusion.

I'm looking forward to the succeeding sessions =D I definitely miss delivering a presentation in front of an audience ;D

Happy Halloween, everyone :)
Agony and Bliss
radish